sacrificial love

I am finding myself at a place where there seem to be way more questions than i have answers for? A place where i miss many more people than i get to see...a place where regrets and "what ifs" fill my mind...and a place where my spirit is everything but still...its at times like these i wonder what a girl is to do...its at times like this i wonder why God gave us the ability to make choices and have consequences for those choices...and why we experience pain and heartache and have the ability to love so deeply, while facing the risk to get hurt deeply....
But like my lovely friend Jenny has told me, there is no significant gap for God to come and do a miracle when we have all the answers...she says that we cheat the world out of miracles when we do things that are easy... but i am like seriously Jenny, you say i challenge you to step out and do the unthinkable but i find myself in the same place...can i do this...am i truly called to this...can i love the hurting and broken children with all my heart only to have them disappear in the blink of an eye after pouring my whole soul into them...and seeing their potential, visioning the amazing things they'll do one day...can i really spend the rest of my life giving my whole life and heart to possibly never see the repercussions of the sacrifice of love?
My friend Deanna talks about Ephesians 5 and how true love is sacrifice..its the laying down of our lives to show others the infinite love of Christ...sometimes i want to run from that calling...i do not want to put myself in this place...i do not want to hurt like this...but then i realize like Jenny and many others have told me so many times...ITS NOT ABOUT ME! Yikes, that is a humbling thing to say...its not about me and my comfort and the measure of love i wanna give..its about these kids and the calling that God has put on my life....
I just pray that he will give me the strength and grace to live this life of love and sacrifice....the way of Jesus is all about sacrifice..about putting others before ourselves...yet it is a place of being stretched of being molded more into the likeness of Christ. Christ gave of himself no matter how much it would hurt him in the end, he did everything he had to show the love of the Father. Jesus had a radical love that He has called us to...a love that is beyond human ability...we must rely on Christ to flow this radical love through us as willing vessels.
I am at a place of weariness, at a place of questioning...of doubting...but it's the promises of God that are leading me in the calling he has given me. It's the promise that His love is enough to sustain me, its the promise that His hand is strong enough to hold me...its his promises that are pulling me through....and so...i am at this place where i wish that i led a "normal life" whatever that looks like...
I wish i lived a normal life where i could invest myself into just being the owner of a candy store, or a costume shop, or a magical fairyland...something fun and charming...not one with passion for abused and trafficked kids...passion and an unimaginable love put in my heart by God himself for hurting children....but this is what i am called to...and this must be my aim...because if i didn't spend my life going after the call God has put in my life, what am i living for?
I am not destined for a life of comfort, i am destined for a life of love and sacrifice...a life that will be filled with heartache and pain, along with many joyful and worthwhile moments. It feels so right and such a part of my path, yet this life of sacrifice feels so wrong to my flesh...its in this place, in this moment of utter silence and humbleness that i choose to do the only thing i know how to do: trust in God to equip me with strength, love, and compassion that goes far beyond human understanding!I must continue on this path of sacrificial love, not for myself...but for the many hurting and hopeful children out there...the children crying in the night for someone to save them! Its not an easy life, but its a life worth the sacrifice <3

The silent epidemic

Its heartbreaking, debilitating, earth-shattering and eye opening..its the lives of so many, yet so few actually see. It’s the life of a child, treated like a slave. It’s the tearfilled existence of one born to be free….it’s human trafficking. Over 200,000 children annually are enslaved in the United States. The trafficking is generating around 31.6 billion dollars while these kids suffer in silence. There is something wrong with this picture!

This is not only a problem in Cambodia, India, or other brothels in far away lands where we never have to be exposed unless we CHOOSE to be…this is happening right in our own backyards, churches, and schools! Just because you live in a nice neighborhood or go to an “amazing Spirit-filled church” means nothing! Sometimes the darkness will lurk in what seems to be the lightest places possible. We have let our guard down and thus, opened the door for darkness to lurk in our lives, communities, and states like never before!

The May study done by “Michigan Women’s Foundation” stated the two main outlets for human trafficking to be developed and continued is the internet and escort services. In MI alone during the month of May 141 girls alone were victims of commercial sex exploitation. It is found that the monthly trafficking of adolescent girls in MI is higher than the annual amount of those 24 and under involved in fatal car accidents and those who committed suicide! (And we still want to say that this kind of stuff doesn’t happen in our nice closed-off mitten known as MI)?!

Even though we have police and tight knit communities people are still missing the rampant reality of human trafficking. It happens at teen sex parties and through the mouths of other trafficked girls themselves. The reality of this should do more than break a person’s heart it should enlist others and give them tools to help us combat the war for young girls’ (and boys) purity, dignity, and destiny.

This is an epidemic situation, yet it is rarely at the forefront of the news broadcasts or television networks. I know it’s a doom and gloom topic, but its reality! It is lurking in the lives of this generation whether we want to talk about it or not; we can choose to see it for what it is and do all we can to prevent and stop it or we can choose to walk through our lives as if what is going on still only exists in far-off lands.

Trafficked girls can’t just carry themselves out of the places they are in. It is an issue of coercion and blackmail, degradation and defeat. They degrade and defeat these girls until any sense of self esteem is thrown away so that they can be built up in the trafficker’s way; with low sense of value and few morals. These girls (and boys) need others breaking the silence for them and fighting when they are at their weakest place!

So many times this becomes the girls’ identity. They seem themselves as the trafficked and abused; and as one who has been there (not to this extreme level, but definantly in a place of brokenness, coercion, and shame), I say: THIS IS NOT THEIR IDENTITY! It is merely a piece of the greater picture; their life! I ask for everyone who is reading this blog to allow a spark of purpose to be birthed in you, if praying is all you can do, than pray! But seek the face of God, ask Him what He wants you to do in the fight against human trafficking! It may be closer to your heart and your life than you know!

Blue Ribbons

The month of April is just around the corner and this is one of my favorite months; not because of a birthday or anniversary, but simply for what it brings awareness too. April is child abuse and neglect awareness month and there is a lot coming up. God has called me to make my ministry into a small group at church and to get involved in the Roofsit and Tips for Kids! God is moving in mighty ways and beckoning me on even in the midst of my own healing all He is doign is super exciting! What is the most amazing to me is how our destiny is birthed long before we realize it is there. When i was in 7th grade trying to work through the hurt and pain of my abuse i wrote a poem titled "blue ribbons" and now i am realizing that my poem was the turning point for me where i realized that i wanted to help kids who had been abused and today that desire and dream is becoming a reality. So here is my poem hope you enjoy, mind you its from an 11 year old's perspective:

BLUE RIBBONS

Blue ribbons tied around a tree

If only they represent children let free

Blue ribbons represent child neglect and abuse

April is the month of awareness we should use

The tragedy some must share

They know these kinds of things just aren't fair

These people are afraid to just walk tall

But one day all those ribbons will fall

Blue ribbons falling off a tree

Represent children let free